Christmas shopping

I know, I know. I'm not supposed to just take off without telling anybody. But I had to go Christmas shopping.


And what better place to go Christmas shopping than in Seattle?

I went to a lot of different places. Some of them you might recognize...


and some you might not.

A monkey playing with an eyeball? What kinda place is this? I decided I needed to go in and investigate.


There I found some... weird... action figures.


Also some fake beards.


And some fezzes that were way too big for me. (This one was about as big as a Lego house.)


But then I found some hats that were just about the right size. Look, I'm a fireman!


Now I'm Fred Astaire!


I found things for sale that made me feel small.


But then I found things for sale that made me feel huge!


Look, a mini-piñata! It would be perfect for a Lego party.


A bin full of bouncy balls.


Pickle toothpicks. Huh. Moving on.


Piratey bandages to be applied after knife fights in the rigging!


Tell me, O Wise Dashboard Monk, where did we park?


To top it all off, this place has very friendly and helpful employees.


No wonder it has the Monster Seal of Approval.


Next I went to a place that has developed a widespread reputation for selling anything you could ever want.


They had many delicious fishes.


They had spices galore.


They had SO MUCH CHOCOLATE.


They had fancy-schmancy fish eggs.


They had all kinds of hazelnuts.


They had fresh-made donuts.


They also had a big brass pig named Rachel.


She was pretty friendly.


Not everyone was equally friendly, however.


Then I went down into Post Alley. Those of you who are mysophobes might want to turn away now.


This is the Gum Wall. It's pretty famous.


Back in 1993 people started sticking their gum to this stretch of wall, and it just got out of control. Notice the gum stalactites hanging from the window ledge.


Although the Gum Wall might look gross...


it makes a pretty good impressionistic backdrop for a portrait photo.


Getting well away from the Gum Wall, I headed over to Bavarian Meats.


Despite what the sign might be trying to tell you, there were plenty of smoked items in this shop.


Man, I want me a chocolate pinecone.

That reminded me... I was getting hungry.


It was time to pick up some delectable Russian pastry.


So many delicious things to eat. If you're in the mood for something sweet, I recommend the blueberry vatrushka. If not, try the rosemary chicken. By the way, the hand was not for sale.


Fortified by piroshky, I continued on my shopping spree. I wonder if I'll find the perfect gift in a dollar store.


Is it just me, or does this Santa look like he's up to something?


FEAR ME! I AM THE KING OF CORDIAL CHERRIES!


OK, see, now... this is just getting boring. It's time to hit the mall.


And here is the mall I hit.

I started trying out different stores, much like Goldilocks trying out different bowls of porridge.


This store was too girly.


This store was too gothy.


This store did not have a very good rep.


And this store was just a rip-off; I didn't find a single dinosaur bone in the whole place.


But this store... ah, this store was just right.


On the way out I noticed a candy store. Come on, it's candy! You can't pass up candy!


This is the most awesome candy store EVER.

Then I went home again. And nobody even noticed I'd been gone, I was that smooth.

So, did I find what I was looking for? Well, I can't really tell you that and keep my Christmas presents a secret, can I?